I am, without doubt, a dilettante. I would prefer to be a polymath, but have thus far lacked the determination and resolve necessary to attain mastery.
My life has been very circular as a result of this nature. I find myself picking up and laying down the same tools over and over again to learn the skill required to master them.
I plow for a season and begin to plant, but then grow frustrated when the seeds I’ve planted don’t seem to grow. Then I neglect my furrows and let them run wild with weeds while I go looking in the mountains to see what’s growing there.
On the other hand I’ve made peace with myself in this regard. I accept that I am interested in many things, and won’t be content to focus on one.
Now I find that once again I’ve lost patience with my labors, and doubt whether this blog will ever generate an income, let alone a living. My fear drives me to consider plying other wares such as modeling or building social capital or hiring me out as a temp.
But even without an income, I like the fruit this blog is bearing. It forces me to synthesize my thoughts, to wrestle my demons onto at least one page of written text on a regular basis; and to expose them to public approbation or ridicule.
Nor do I need to give up those other fields. I may not be able to plow them as hard as I could if I focused on one. But an ecology needs many different plants and animals to be systemically healthy – and so do I.
So I will try to hew a triune path through the wilderness of my desires: of blogging, modeling, and building social capital. Three I hope will lead to mastery, and blessings to those along my way.