Learning to Pray

Posted on July 22, 2013 by circleofpractice

What is prayer? Does it come easily or naturally to you? For me it seems enormously difficult and conflicted.

How do we commune with God? Or suppose you’re an atheist – is prayer then meaningless for you?

I think prayer is an expression of our longing to be connected with God, with Nature, and the Cosmos. The connection is feeling a part of, a participant in our experience of reality. We want to feel like our lives matter, that those we care about matter.

My first recollections of prayer were a kind of litany against fear: “Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep. And if I should die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take.” Or, “All night, all day, angels are watching over me my Lord. All night, all day, angels are watching over me.”

Then as I got older they became a list of requests, generally in terms of wanting something for myself or another, whether health, prosperity, wisdom, etc.

But imagine talking to a friend this way, everyday presenting them with a list of petitions. Such a relationship probably wouldn’t last long, and generally neither do such prayers, at least not for me.

But still I have this longing to be in relationship with God, with nature, with my friends and family, and acquaintance. The older I get the more I realize that I am always in God’s presence. I am part of nature and in nature.

I can hold my friends and family before God in my mind’s eye, and appreciate them, bless them from my heart, and imagine them finding their place and purpose in the world, imagine them blessing the world in their own special way. I can imagine us connected and full of God’s presence, full of God’s grace, and blessing others and one another, blessing God in our own way.

Fighting Despair

Posted on July 16, 2013 by circleofpractice

I am a “four” on the enneagram. Fours tend to focus on what’s missing in their life, whether that is meaningful relationships, meaningful work, or simply meaning itself. As a result we often feel defeated, and frequently battle despair.

Fours can be a dreary lot to hang out with.

When this fit takes me, it can be difficult to find my way back to hope. But I have found some things that help.

Probably most helpful is to stop and open my eyes; to give thanks for the things that aren’t missing. When I do this I am always astounded at just how remarkably blessed I am. Savor those blessings, linger over them, and meditate on them; especially if you too are a four. There is nothing like genuine gratitude to chase away despair.

Another thing I do is to try to keep moving, like Dory in “Finding Nemo,” just keep on swimming. I’ll do simple things, like washing the dishes or vacuuming the floor. They remind me that I can get something done.

Make a list of the things you have accomplished, no matter how small.

Or bring to remembrance those times you’ve been a blessing to someone. I remember a line from The Brothers Karamazov, “I threw an onion.” I try to be a blessing in some mundane way. Maybe I’ll go to a rest home and just listen to an old person’s story. Just listening to someone can be a great blessing, especially to those in whom the world no longer has any interest.

Spirit: the Third Circle

Posted on June 12, 2013 by circleofpractice

I’ve written about building a practice group, beginning with the first circle of talk dancing and the conversational space, and answering the second circle question of why you have come to the group.

I start with the premise that everyone lives in the “domains” of spirit, mind, body, emotion, community, household, vocation, and finance. And while we may not have the same amount of focus or interest in any one of them, none of us can avoid living in any of them.

I believe the domain of spirit seeks to answer three questions:

Who am I?
How am I connected with other human beings, with life, and the cosmos itself?
How can I create a meaningful life for myself, and bless those I care about?

I think it’s important to answer these questions as best you can before moving on to the other domains, because it is easy to get lost in those other domains only to “wake up” one day and realize you don’t know who you are, or how you are connected with the cosmos, or whether your life has any meaning. Having no answer to these questions is almost the very definition of an existential crisis.

Notice that while I’ve said nothing about a person’s “faith,” it is faith that attempts to answer these questions. Our faith consists of the assumptions our life is predicated of; of our self-awareness; of our experience of connectedness or isolation, whether with God, or nature, or with other human beings; of whether our lives have any meaning.

The practice group can help us draw out answers to these questions from ourselves and from one another. We don’t need to be of the same faith, but we do need to respect one another’s faith. We don’t need to have the same answers but we need to try to understand each other’s answers, and challenge each other to formulate the best answers we can.

Building the First Circle of Wisdom

Posted on May 23, 2013 by circleofpractice

I take as my model for a “community of wisdom” Benjamin Franklin’s “Junto”, a club of about 12 men who got together weekly for their mutual improvement. They would take turn about in leading a discussion on morals, politics, or science, and committed to produce and read to the group an essay of his own writing once every three months.

Our debates were to be under the direction of a president, and to be conducted in the sincere spirit of inquiry after truth, without fondness for dispute or desire of victory; and to prevent warmth, all expressions of positiveness in opinions, or direct contradiction, were after some time made contraband, and prohibited under small pecuniary penalties.

The first step is drawing up a list of likely candidates to form such a group. Alternatively, you might use a resource such as meetup.com to find a group of individuals so inclined. Or you might resort to joining a formally organized group such as Rotary or Toastmasters.

Franklin also drew up a list of questions (see questions under the link above) that I believe are indicative of what is a matter of concern to an “elder” or “wise one.”

In order for the group to be well run, for its members all to take part in the discussion, and for the group to eventually become viral, I believe the first meetings should address the ideas of channels of communication, of talk dancing, hand signals, and self-organization and self-replication of groups.

Why viral you may ask? The group should have the goal of going viral so that the wisdom of the group can be shared with the world. As the group grows and divides the elders become mentors to others seeking meaning and significance in their life. This later became a goal of Franklin’s group as well, which eventually evolved into the American Philosophical Society.

Vital Engagement and the Good Life

Posted on May 10, 2013 by circleofpractice

Research has shown that striving for affiliation, achievement, and power fail to capture the most valued concerns and goals of most people (Dan Brown, Mastery of the Mind, East and West).

Spiritual strivings are fundamentally concerned with the meaning of life. When folks arrange their lives around spiritual ends, they generally experience their lives as worthwhile, unified, and meaningful.

When we build our practice around a core meaning system that engages our full attention, and that stretches our skill without discouraging our spirit, then temporary flow states are transformed into continuous flow experience; a way of life.

Vital engagement is defined as full presence and full participation in everyday life with high vitality, satisfaction, deep meaningfulness, and thorough enjoyment of whatever life has to offer (Dan Brown, Mastery of the Mind, East and West).

We want our practice to consist of at least three things: our full attention, enough challenge to stretch our level of skill, and contributing to the spiritual meaning of our lives. When our practice is in alignment with these three requisites, vital engagement is the result.

So what? What’s the big deal here? The big deal is that we are more often drawn by the brass ring, than we are by relationships, than we are by our own faith, than we are by a practice that brings harmony rather than victory.

Our culture is obsessed with winning, preoccupied with scoring points, and heedless of the broken souls who are cast aside; even when one of those souls is our own.

But build your practice around what is most important, and your practice will take you beyond brass to a solid spiritual foundation, to deep and meaningful relationships, to work that is satisfying, and to a life that is a blessing rather than a curse to all around you.

Gracious God

Posted on April 16, 2013 by circleofpractice

I believe in God we live, and move, and have our being. I believe in God’s grace, in the abundant life of his presence, and the redemptive power of his love. I believe I continually stand in the sunshine of his presence. That his light shines on my soul from moment to moment.

What does this mean?

Oh Lord thou hast searched me and known me. Thou knowest my downsitting and uprising, thou knowest my thought afar off. Thou compassest my path and my lying down, and art acquainted with all my ways. For there is not a word in my tongue, but, lo, O Lord, thou knowest it altogether. Thou has beset me behind and before, and laid thine hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high, I cannot attain unto it. Whither shall I go from thy spirit? Or whither shall I flee from thy presence? If I ascend up into heaven, thou art there: if I make my bed in hell, behold thou art there. If I take the wings of the morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there thy hand shall lead me, and thy right hand shall hold me. If I say surely the darkness shall cover me; even the night shall be light about me. Yea the darkness hideth not from thee; but the night shineth as the day: the darkness and the light are both alike to thee. For thou hast possessed my reins: thou hast covered me in my mother’s womb. I will praise thee, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvelous are thy works, and that my soul knoweth right well. My substance was not hid from thee, when I was made in secret, and curiously wrought in the lowest parts of the earth. Thine eyes did see my substance, yet being unperfect; and in thy book all my members were written, which in continuance were fashioned, when as yet there were none of them. How precious also are thy thoughts unto me O God! How great is the sum of them. If I should count them, they are more than the number of the sand: when I awake, I am still with thee. (Ps 139, KJV)

I believe that grace is made possible through the death and resurrection of his son Jesus Christ.

That without the sacrifice of the Lamb of God who takes away the sins of the world, the justice and holiness of God would make it impossible for us to come into his presence. In fact the law requires that nearly everything be cleansed with blood, and without the shedding of blood is no forgiveness (He 9.22 NIV).

Before his crucifixion, only God’s High Priest could come into God’s presence in the Holy of Holies, and then only on the Day of Atonement, and only after he had been cleansed with blood.

Korah, who led a rebellion against Moses in the desert and was then swallowed up by it, said this to Moses and Aaron: “You take too much upon yourselves, for the entire congregation are all holy, and the Lord is in their midst. So why do raise yourselves above the Lord’s assembly?” (Nu 16.3)

Are we not like Korah when we presume we can come into God’s presence without the blood of the lamb, without putting on the righteous of Christ, thinking ourselves worthy because God ought to meet our own expectations of him? But if God encompasses space and time, then he is unimaginably old, unimaginably big, and unimaginably deep. How can we pretend to comprehend the mind of God?

But Christ, through his own blood entered once into the holy place, having obtained eternal redemption for us (He 9.12). But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed (Is 53.5).

God had to satisfy his own justice in order to redeem us to himself. He could only do that by laying down his own life for our sins. Without this self sacrifice, I do not see how grace can obtain.

And that is why I believe in the virgin birth, Christ’s death and resurrection, and the trinity.

Paradox and mystery are at the heart of the godhead, of math, of science, and life itself. Math and science are to me, not a contradiction of my faith, but an amplification of it.

I stand in awe, and give God praise.

What Matters Most

Posted on April 9, 2013 by circleofpractice

What matters most?

When I was in college, my answer to that question was God, my mind, my friends and family, and my health, in that order. While in some ways I still like that answer, I’ve got to tell you that those priorities did not by themselves enable me to live well. In fact I was a pretty miserable person.

I suppose every person has to answer that question subjectively. Still science is beginning to be able to tell us objectively what it means to live well.

One of the founders of positive psychology, Martin Seligman, has come up with an acronym for five essentials to well being, PERMA: positive emotion, engagement (i.e., of our attention), positive relationships, meaning, and achievement.

Where is your practice taking you? What do you practice, and why?

From the time we begin our formal education till the time we’ve finished with it, the focus of our practice tends to be on the last piece of well being, that is, on accomplishment. We study hard to get good grades, to go to a good school, to get a good job. We run and lift weights to be stronger and faster, to be the best at our position on the team, etc.

Competition can make us better. It can make us beautiful, and it can make us ugly. It can lead to a win at all costs mentality epitomized by Lance Armstrong.

Remember your humanity. Your practice should in some way touch on all the five essentials. Take care of your emotions, pursue those ideas and skills you are passionate about, cultivate positive relationships, and build meaning from your faith into your work and community.

By so doing your practice will make you a blessing to those around you, and you in turn will be blessed as well. You will have transcended success, and discovered happiness and significance.

The Enneagram as Practice

Posted on March 11, 2013 by circleofpractice

The enneagram of personality is a powerful means to self-discovery and self-acceptance. The practice takes time and discipline to bear fruit, but is worth the effort it takes to learn.

I first became acquainted with the enneagram about three years ago at a seminar on spiral dynamics. I asked the presenter whether focusing on the various memes wouldn’t lead to making comparisons of oneself with others, and hence to psychological dissonance. She replied that such might indeed be the case with me, and that I would do well to be aware of it.

Her reply really pissed me off. And try as I might, I couldn’t seem to shake this feeling of anger. I tried breathing through it. I tried to focus all my attention on what she was saying. But still I was positively glowing with anger.

At the lunch break she was sitting at a table with an open seat, so I sat down across from her and told her of my reaction. She asked me a few questions about myself, and then told me she thought I was a “4” on the enneagram. Turns out fours are driven by envy, or rather a sense of inadequacy. They focus on what is missing from their lives.

In spite of being aware of my jealousy since college, and thinking I’d overcome it, I immediately sensed the truth of what she was saying. The anger went out of me like water from a flushed toilet.

I began to learn about the enneagram, and something called shadow work, coming to terms with the least desirable aspects of myself.

There’s a saying in psychology that goes something like this, “Whatever gets repressed gets expressed,” or “if you don’t express it, you project it.”

Shadow work begins with being aware of what’s going on in your body. What emotion are you feeling and where is it in your body? As you become aware of this you can move into it and accept it, “Oh yeah, I’m feeling jealous,” or “I’m feeling inadequate.” And somehow that recognition and acknowledgement allows me to exhale.

That’s my ego’s defense mechanism engaging. But that’s not me. I am in that ineffable witness beyond labels that experiences these thoughts and feelings, and yet transcends them.

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