The feedback we can give ourselves is limited by our perspective. The light of our own knowledge and understanding casts shadows that only the light from another consciousness can see into.
Even something as seemingly objective as “doing 21 pushups” might be seen differently in the eyes of a personal trainer than from our own perspective down on the floor counting them off.
Sometimes just getting a fresh pair of eyes to look at a problem, a process, or an impression of me can provide an immediate epiphany or insight.
So if we really want to improve our practice, we are going to want to seek out others to provide us with feedback on what we’re doing, hopefully from someone who has already mastered what we ourselves are trying to master.
Depending on the degree of technical expertise required this can be fairly hard to do. Do we go to school, hire ourselves a teacher, or seek out a mentor? Sometimes I find it more helpful to talk with another practitioner, some like myself who is on the practice path to mastery.
Particularly in the realm of interpersonal relationships, getting outside feedback is critical to improving our ability to listen, to speak, and to be empathic. In fact, relating to others is a hard thing to practice alone.
When you ask for feedback, expect a bitter draft. Others see our faults more readily than we do. And people speak more readily of things negative than they do the positive. Even so, accept it gratefully knowing you can improve your practice and your relationships thereby.
Don’t try to justify yourself, or take insult at faults found. Remember that you asked for it, and that the critic has blessed with feedback as well as criticism. Only let it reflect on your behavior and not on yourself. If you’ve performed poorly, it is behavior that can be changed and improved; it does not mean you are a bad person.