Seeking Feedback

Posted on February 14, 2013 by circleofpractice

The feedback we can give ourselves is limited by our perspective. The light of our own knowledge and understanding casts shadows that only the light from another consciousness can see into.

Even something as seemingly objective as “doing 21 pushups” might be seen differently in the eyes of a personal trainer than from our own perspective down on the floor counting them off.

Sometimes just getting a fresh pair of eyes to look at a problem, a process, or an impression of me can provide an immediate epiphany or insight.

So if we really want to improve our practice, we are going to want to seek out others to provide us with feedback on what we’re doing, hopefully from someone who has already mastered what we ourselves are trying to master.

Depending on the degree of technical expertise required this can be fairly hard to do. Do we go to school, hire ourselves a teacher, or seek out a mentor? Sometimes I find it more helpful to talk with another practitioner, some like myself who is on the practice path to mastery.

Particularly in the realm of interpersonal relationships, getting outside feedback is critical to improving our ability to listen, to speak, and to be empathic. In fact, relating to others is a hard thing to practice alone.

When you ask for feedback, expect a bitter draft. Others see our faults more readily than we do. And people speak more readily of things negative than they do the positive. Even so, accept it gratefully knowing you can improve your practice and your relationships thereby.

Don’t try to justify yourself, or take insult at faults found. Remember that you asked for it, and that the critic has blessed with feedback as well as criticism. Only let it reflect on your behavior and not on yourself. If you’ve performed poorly, it is behavior that can be changed and improved; it does not mean you are a bad person.

Building Better Feedback

Posted on February 12, 2013 by circleofpractice

The main purpose of feedback is to provide corrective action to behavior required to achieve a desired goal. Feedback is a key step in learning how to learn.

Effective feedback involves a sort of triangulation:

1) a specific goal,

2) some kind of metric that measures our distance from achieving the goal, and

3) A process for improving the practices intended to achieve the goal.

In order for feedback to be effective we need to be able to describe both the goal and the behavior in terms as specific as possible.

The most descriptive terms are generally measurements of some kind, such as to run a 40 yard dash in 4.5 seconds. Maybe that’s what makes such avid fans and participants of sports: they are generally so measureable.

Other goals are harder to describe. For instance, perhaps you’ve recently read a book. Was your goal merely to read it, or to understand it? If the latter, then how do you know you’ve understood the book? Do you have a process for making this determination for yourself?

Suppose you’re using Mortimer Adler’s criteria for understanding a book. Then you’ll need to be able to at least answer these four questions:

1) What is the book about as a whole?

2) What is being said in detail, and how?

3) Is the book true, in whole or part?

4) How is it significant?

How far you are from answering those questions gives you some idea of how far you are from achieving your goal of understanding the book.

Sometimes measurements can seem counterproductive. I have an app for my computer to measure my meditation progress. It works well and measures a strong correlate, “coherence,” but it’s rather distracting. I feel like a pitcher who’s focused on the fans instead of the next pitch. So while I don’t use it every day I do believe that “regular” use of the app can be indicative of the effectiveness of my meditation practice.

Listening to Bagger Vance

Posted on February 9, 2013 by circleofpractice

Bagger Vance spoke to me last night. I’m just not sure what he said.

I’ve been looking for my “authentic swing” all my life. I’ve felt broken inside without any memory of being fixed; with scars from a battle never fought; playing on a field littered with skills unmastered.

What does Bagger have to say to the likes of me? Does God visit the camps of losers, cowards, and incompetents?

I have to believe in a god of second chances. I have to believe that even if I lay down and slept for a thousand years he’d give me the chance to walk that quadrillion kilometers to heaven.

So maybe Bagger would say to me that a journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step. And though I’ve slept for fifty years, God’s been waiting patiently for me to awake, to take up my bed and walk.

See the field…what is my field of action? The things I care about: family, community, writing, and models.

A man’s grip on his club is like his grip on the world…what is my grip on the club? My discipline, my practice is my grip on the world; where my spirit, mind, and body come to grips with life.

What’s my battle, my game waged against the titans of golf? I take my place in the arena with the other gladiators; to dare to be measured against the likes Jones and Hagen, or be gutted on the floor of the coliseum to the delight of those who sit in the stands.

Blessed Are the Ordinary

Posted on February 7, 2013 by circleofpractice

Blessed are the ordinary, for they are accepted and complete in Jesus.

Does that raise your hackles? Sounds like heresy doesn’t it? “Good enough isn’t good enough! Don’t settle for anything less than excellence!” After all, this blog is supposed to be about practice right? About getting better?

The work of the enneagram is embracing the shadow, the part of ourselves we wish to deny; the part we hide from the light, from the gaze of the other, from the eye of God. The grace of God has redeemed the shadow, as well as the False Self, the mask we forge to face the world. By grace we are saved through faith into a single whole, our genuine self, an ordinary person.

Accepting who I am, the “bad” with the “good,” has been the most blessed and powerful experience God has ever given to me – the blessing of being ordinary.

The greatest gift God has given me is the gift of self-acceptance. If everything I do has to be extraordinary, then nothing I do is good enough. If nothing I do is good enough, then I must be a bad person; a fig tree that bears no fruit, fit only to be cast into the fire.

It’s hard to practice when I’m plagued by those kinds of thoughts.

We don’t despise a bouquet of roses because they look like every other. We accept them gratefully as beautiful.

The odd thing is that being ordinary allows me to write, allows me to meditate, and allows me to practice. If I am accepted and complete in Jesus, then I can gratefully bear the fruit God has given me knowing it is enough.

Shaming children who fall short of the 10,000 hour rule may be the road to greatness, but it is not the road to blessedness. Enjoy the work of your hands, and with it bless the world, even when it’s only ordinary.

Dealing with Toxicity in a Group

Posted on February 4, 2013 by circleofpractice

Have you ever been in a group where one person in particular was having a toxic affect on the rest? Maybe that person is dominating the conversational flow, or perhaps radiates some toxic emotion like anger, or is a source of invidious gossip or backbiting.

What do you do? Do you do anything?

If you don’t do anything, then your experience and quite possibly that of everyone else in the group is going to be degraded. If the experience is bad enough, you may find the persons whose company you enjoy most are leaving the group. If you take your concerns to others in the group, then your comments may make their way back to the person in question, but probably not in the way you intended.

A couple of scriptures may help us out here. Proverbs 25:9, Debate your cause with your neighbor himself, and discover not a secret to another, and Matthew 18:15-17, ¹⁵“If another believer sins against you, go privately and point out the offense. If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back. ¹⁶But if you are unsuccessful, take one or two others with you and go back again, so that everything you say may be confirmed by two or three witnesses. ¹⁷If the person still refuses to listen, take your case to the church. Then if he or she won’t accept the church’s decision, treat that person as a pagan or a corrupt tax collector. (New Living Translation)

This is admittedly a difficult thing to do, to confront the offending person with the things that are bothering you. But in my experience it usually pays big dividends. The trick for me is to write a letter first that tries to describe my issue without giving offense. Then I’ll sleep on it for a night. I may ask someone I trust to read it and give me their impression of the letter and the reaction it might provoke. Then I’ll rewrite it if necessary.

After writing the letter I will share it with the person and ask if we can talk about it afterward. If the person disagrees with me, or thinks I’m the problem, I’ll then ask for a third person in the group to weigh in on the issue. Then lastly if there is still no resolution, I will bring it before the group and ask them to decide. If the group decides against the person, and the person is unwilling to change, then I think you need to resort to ostracism in order to preserve the integrity of the group.

Identifying with Work

Posted on February 1, 2013 by circleofpractice

The strangest thing happens when I identify with my work: I can’t do it. As soon as I start thinking, “I am a writer,” I lose the power to write.

If that’s who I am, then nothing’s ever good enough. “That’s not me. I can do better than that.” I can’t stop revising. I can’t even get past the title.

I’m not a writer. I just write. The power to write comes from writing; as long as I keep the words flowing onto the page, I know it’s going to be OK.

As soon as we identify with our work we lose sight of the work, and start thinking of how we’re perceived by our audience. Not who our audience is, but who we are in the eyes of our audience. We may need to know who our audience is if we want them to understand our work, but we can’t think about whom we are as perceived by them.

We’ll never get naked up there on the stage with all the eyes of the world watching us. But if that’s where our work takes us, then that’s where we need to go.

For our work to be genuine we need to be vulnerable.

That’s what the sports world means when they talk about having amnesia. The ones that have it are focused on the next pitch, the next pass, the next catch; they are focused on the work, and not on themselves in the eyes of the arena.

My Meditation Experience

Posted on January 31, 2013 by circleofpractice

I try to do three meditations a day: the first for 11 minutes in the morning, the second for 31 minutes around noon, and the third for 5 minutes in the evening.

The deepest meditation is the one lasting 31 minutes, Kirtan Kriya. I sit on a pile of three yoga cushions in easy pose: the first halved, the second folded three times, the third folded four times.

I begin by “tuning in” a kind of centering exercise.

The kriya consists of chanting the four syllables, SA-TA-NA-MA, while simultaneously touching the thumb to the index finger (SA), the middle finger (TA), the ring finger (NA), and the little finger (MA) (this is the mudra associated with the kriya). At the same time, I visualize the navel chakra (SA), the heart chakra (TA), the throat chakra (NA), and the brow chakra (MA).

I wear a watch which has a countdown timer. For five minutes I chant voiced syllables; for five minutes I chant whispered syllables; for ten minutes I chant silently in my mind; for five minutes I again chant whispered syllables; for five minutes I chant voiced syllables; and then I count 15 rounds on my fingers without chanting.

Usually by the time I get to chanting silently in my mind I’ve become aware of the beating of my heart. At that time I try to synchronize each finger tap with my heartbeat. I try to keep my focus on the chanting, the mudra, the chakras, and my heartbeat. If I find my attention drifts, I just gently bring it back as I become aware of it.

If I find myself wanting to squirm, or quit altogether, I just remind myself to trust the practice and submit to it.

I haven’t had any strange out of body experiences or hallucinations. But it does seem to have a very stabilizing affect on my emotions, and has over time turned off the pervasive sense of anxiety I once suffered from.

Practicing Perspective

Posted on January 30, 2013 by circleofpractice

About 25 years ago I was in a conversation with someone in our book club when it dawned on me the person I was talking to had begun to fear for his physical safety. My body language and tone of voice had become positively homicidal.

Since then I’ve tried to be aware of both my body and my attitude when engaging in conversation. What am I feeling and why? What is my purpose? Am I trying to understand the people engaged in conversation, or trying to win an argument?

If what the person is saying is producing an unpleasant reaction in my body, I know it’s time to be careful; time to focus on my breath, and try to understand what the person is saying. What are her assumptions? What is her point of view? What is her life experience?

Sometimes someone will say something that just pushes my buttons, which produces an immediate bile dump in my gut; my blood pressure goes through the roof and my breathing becomes rapid and short. When this happens I need to breathe through these feelings and calm down before I open my mouth. Often times this is a signal to me that I am feeling disrespected in some way. Sometimes this comes, not from any intended disrespect, but from my own sense of inadequacy.

If the person says something I don’t understand, or uses a word I’m unfamiliar with, I’ll ask her what she means. If I’m unsure I’ve understood what she said, then I’ll try to paraphrase what I think she’s said. If I think I disagree with her, I’ll try to understand what she feels is important in the situation, or what life experiences have influenced her conclusions.

How do you practice perspective? Do you have a method for psychologically distancing yourself from the conversation in some way? Or is your source of perspective from something other than conversation?

Practicing the Presence of God

Posted on January 29, 2013 by circleofpractice

For in him we live, and move, and have our being; (Acts 17:28, KJV)

Several years ago I was turned onto a beautiful book by a friend from church, The Practice of the Presence of God by Brother Lawrence, a monk of the 17^th century. Since then I have tried to make a practice of being aware of God’s presence.

God is inescapable, and his presence is always Here and Now, regardless of where we are or what state we’re in: If I ascend up into heaven, thou art there: if I make my bed in hell, behold, thou are there (Ps 139:8, KJV).

In the Bible the Hebrew word ruah means both breath and spirit, as when God, “… formed the man from the dust of the ground. He breathed the breath of life into the man’s nostrils, and the man became a living person.” (Ge 2:7, New Living Translation)

So it is natural for me to associate God with my breath, and whenever I want I can come into God’s presence merely by observing my breath and knowing that God is in it, and in me.

Another way to come into God’s presence and into his joy is through praise, “…but be filled with the Spirit; Speaking to yourselves in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord; Giving thanks always for all things unto God and the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ;” (Eph 5:18-20, KJV)

This “giving thanks always for all things unto God” is so powerful and so simple a way to come into God’s presence; and it is not just the big things but the little things especially we can take notice of and be grateful for. Read the poem Pied Beauty by Gerald Manley Hopkins. I think this is what Paul had in mind when he wrote those verses in Ephesians.

God’s presence is all around us; all we need to do is take notice to walk with him.

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